"FLASH! Harry Hooligan, notorious con-artist, thief and all-around-not-a-nice-person, has escaped! He is now at large and in the vicinity of Southwick's Emporium. At this moment, Hooligan is foiling every attempt to end his felonious freedom." "On the scene is Keystone Kelly, pride of the men in blue. Officer Kelly, what's it like in there?" "Oh, 'tis a cryin' shame! Shenanigans like ya wouldn't believe! Dastardly deeds that defy description! That rogue is hurlin' everything in reach! Shopping carts, biplanes, beachballs--everything but cathedral radios. Loot and bust that brute!" "Will that double-dyed hoodlum keep Keystone in triple trouble, or will YOU help the greatest gumshoe going catch that no good gahoot?" Grab your billyclubs and joysticks! It's curtains now, Hooligan!"